Are you moving forward or running away?
Sometimes you're just itching for a change. And many times moving to a new home, changing careers, and developing different relationships is exactly the right thing. Other times, the urge to make a change is about wiggling out of a situation that might require you to address some issues.
How can you tell the difference?
1. One indicator is whether the unwanted situation tends to recur, regardless of the environment.
For example, I repeatedly wrote curriculum, developed training, and did the teaching for other coaching schools. That seemed to be a positive thing to do. Yet each time - I did that SAME thing THREE times - I would feel vaguely frustrated with my partners and somewhat powerless. The problem was not with the other people, much as I would have wanted to blame them.
The real issue was that it was time for me to take the lead, to develop content that was true to my own soul, and to bring on partners aligned with my purpose, instead of trying to align myself with another leader. That was a hard issue for me to face, because it meant that I had to address the ways that I was upholding a patriarchal worldview, and start to see myself dramatically differently. As someone with uniquely beautiful gifts for the world.
2. Another indicator is whether the change is a temporary distraction or short-term relief, or whether it integrates with the bigger picture.
I like to look at life as a journey, where there are sometimes paths that diverge in the woods. Instead of looking only at the point in the pathway where there is a clear choice to make, I lift myself high above the forest to peer down at where the paths are leading. Which path, at the mid-point of the journey and at the final outcome is leading more toward faith, hope, and love? Does one of the paths appear like all lightness and freedom at the moment, but lead toward greater turmoil down the road?
For example, at one point in our life overseas, I was determined to give my kids access to the internet so that they could know what was going on in the world and keep in touch with cousins and far-away friends. But I wasn't paying attention to the part of me that was simply afraid that they would be seen as misfits, awkward, and out of it if they spent their childhoods internationally and one day returned to the States. Because I wasn't clear about my hidden agenda in wanting to go out and buy my kids an X-Box and a phone, screen time for some family members, myself included, has been unboundaried and is taking some time to get back on track.
Which brings us to our next point....
3. Check to see if you're truly moving TOWARD what you want, and not just away from what you don't want.
One coaching trick is to be on the lookout for the word "not". If you're moving to a different house because you do NOT want to live in such a small, messy place, consider if what you DO want is simplicity, order, and beauty. What would happen if, instead of moving to a place where you will continue to accumulate needless excesses, you started paring down the clutter and keeping only the beautiful objects that you really love?
Strangely, when you move away from something, it tends to follow you. But when you move toward something with all your heart, you bring blessing to yourself and others. You may still decide to move to that other house, but it will be with lasting excitement, pure motives, and in a way that addresses the truth.
Facing the real, internal desires and fears instead of making compulsively-motivated choices may take some time and thoughtfulness. But it turns you into a person whose energy is free, powerful, and enthusiastic.
As you look at the changes you're wanting to make right now in your life, what are you moving toward? What are you avoiding or moving away from? What is wanting to be addressed so that you make the next move one that's powerfully in alignment with your truest self and your values?
With great love,
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